Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Name: Long Dong Silver

Job: Wal-Mart Cart Pusher

I HATED that place. First I helped grand open the store, then they tried to get me to go to 3rd shift receiving/stocking. I told the manager no thanks and he said that I didn't have a job any more once the store opened. You should have seen this guy. He was a light skinned black guy who over compensated by wearing enough gold jewelry to give Mr. T back problems. His name is Reggie. Later on I heard he got fired for stealing. I always hoped I'd run into him again so I could rob his ass and have cash4gold.com melt him for cash, just like in the commercials! Sorry, I was sidetracked by my revenge fantasy. I didn't like not having a job so I went to another manager who wasn't him and he told me I could stay on as a cart pusher. Fucking geniuses. Brand new Wal-Mart and they had 2 cart pushers to open the damn store. Also, over the first month or two of the store opening we had to unload two trucks filled with shopping carts because they order enough to begin with. Sorry, another distraction. So they moved me and another guy to cart pushing to bring the total up to 4 cart pushers. Sounded great at the time. It ended up being slave labor.

There was a mysterious guy posted on our schedule, so we always had to let them know that whenever that guy was scheduled he wasn't actually with us. We thought he had quit. Come to find out later that they were just doing that so that they could put him wherever they wanted to. Never mind the fact that we were always short handed. Also, I feel that I should mention that we didn't have those cart motor thingies that help the people push carts at Wal-Mart now. We were pushing 20-30 30+ lbs. buggies at a time.

Reggie saw me on grand opening day and told me I wasn't supposed to be there. He was furious when he found out I went over his head. From then on he had it out for me. I remember him once storming into the break room as I sat there eating my Wendy's, demanding a receipt. He accused me of walking to Wendy's on the clock and buying my food then coming back into the store and clocking out. I was 18 and hadn't learned to work the system, so I hadn't even thought of that. We had to clear the lot before we went home at night and he was usually the one to give us the thumbs up. Of course he always gave me hell. I wouldn't have been surprised to have seen him get in his car and drive a shopping cart out onto the highway just so he could tell me to go get it out of traffic.

My last night there it was pouring down rain and all we had were these shitty ponchos to keep us 20% dry and 120% soaking wet. I couldn't keep my pants on my waist because they were so drenched. I was scheduled to come in the next day at 7am and it was already 11pm at night and I was working by myself. I couldn't have cleared the lot if I wanted to, so I organized what shopping carts I could at the back of the parking lot and had planned on finishing it up in the morning when I had another guy working with me. When I came to work that morning I heard Reggie's ass on the radio trying to find out where I was. He pulled me in the office and wrote me up. At Wal-Mart at that time on your 3rd write up you were given a D-day, which was a decision making day. They sent you home with a full day's pay and you were supposed to come back the next day and tell them why you want to keep your job. It was my 3rd write up.

I never saw those fuckers again. My fondest memory was picking up my last pay check.

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