Thursday, April 16, 2009

The 5 Worst Shitty Job Co-Workers

The more shitty jobs you work, the more you end up working with the same kind of people. It's as annoying as it is funny. Which is why I broke it down to 5 different co-worker archetypes:

Smoke Break Guy:

It is known that smoking = gradual death. But smoking also equals infinitely more work breaks for smokers than non-smokers at a shitty job. While it's fine that they want to kill themselves, their breaks can come at the worst times. Here's an example:

Him: Hey dude, I'm gonna go have a smoke.

You: Umm, could you hold off till this line dies down?

Him: ....

You: ....

Him: I would if I could, dude, but I gotta have a smoke, you know how it is. [leaves]

10 Minutes later [he returns]

Him: Damn dude! You really killed that line, huh?

You: ....

The Wigger:

Yeah, we know you made a deal with your mom that you can't drive her Escalade unless you pay for the gas, thus why you're working here. And we also know your favorite movie is Scarface; rehashing every fucking line from 'Friday' doesn't make you cool with black people, dude.

You: Hey Dwayne.

Him: Sup. Yo check awt ma new boost phone.

You: How much do you pay per month?

Him: ..........Like.......Shit I don't know man, I'm on the family plan, yo.

The Struggling Actor:

With the coming end of the renaissance festival, this guy needs to find another job to sustain his annoying presence of speaking loud, occasionally singing, and overreacting to EVERYTHING. And unfortunately, you have to be his audience for the next 6-8 months, that is if the renaissance festival wants him back.

Him: Hazzaaaaahh!

You: Hey Jerry

Him: Watcha dooooooin!

You: I'm gonna go on my break now.

Him: I studied theater at the University of Idaho!

Depressed 30 Year Old Guy:

He's had waaayyyy too many shitty jobs. Better yet, he has the answer to everything, namely that life sucks and sometimes it'll kick you in the ass. He particularly loves college kids so he can crush their dreams when he asks them what they're major is.

Him: Yeah? You go to college?

You: Yep.

Him: I went to college.

You: Cool, for what?

Him: Never mind that...enjoy college while it lasts. The real world sucks.

The Overachiever:

This fucker does everything in his power to make you look bad. Ever since he won the 8th grade spelling bee he thinks whatever job you have you should give it 100%. Not only is he gunning for that lucrative shift leader position, he also calls you out on every little detail.

(These Guys Disgust Me So Much I'm Not Even Going To Add An Example)

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