I was fortunate enough to get an email this morning from a damsel in distress who is in dire need of my help. That's right, my help. Too bad she picked a pasty white 22 year old living in L.A. who still has last weeks Taco Bell and McDonald's wrappers sitting around the base of his room.
Name: Amani Ibrahim Bare
Job: Scam Artist
My dear I am writing this mail with tears and sadness and pains. I know it will come to you as a surprise since we haven't known or come across each other before, but kindly bear with me at this moment. I have a special reason why I decided to contact you. My situation at hand is miserable but I trust in God and hope you will be of my help. My name is Amani Ibrahim Bare 25years old girl and I held from Republic of Niger the daughter of Late General Ibrahim Bare Mainassara the former President of the Republic of Niger who was ambushed and killed by dissident soldiers at the military airport in the capital, Niamey with his driver and a former Prefect. You can see more detail about my late father here http://news.bbc.co.uk/onthisday/hi/dates/stories/april/9/newsid_2463000/2463927.stm
I am constrained to contact you because of the maltreatment which I am receiving from my step mother. She planned to take away all my late father's treasury and properties from me since the unexpected death of my beloved Father. Meanwhile I wanted to travel to Europe, but she hide away my international passport and other valuable documents. Luckily she did not discover where I kept my father's File which contained important documents. I am presently staying in the Mission camp in Burkina Faso.
I am seeking for longterm relationship and investment assistance. My father of blessed memory deposited the sum of US$11.7 Million in one bank in Burkina Faso with my name as the next of kin. I had contacted the Bank to clear the deposit but the Branch Manager told me that being a refugee, my status according to the local law does not authorize me to carry out the operation. However, he advised me to provide a trustee who will stand on my behalf. I had wanted to inform my stepmother about this deposit but I am afraid that she will not offer me anything after the release of the money. Therefore, I decide to seek for your help in transferring the money into your bank account while I will relocate to your country and settle down with you. I have my fathers death certificate and the account number which I will give you as soon as you indicated your interest to help me.
It is my intention to compensate you with 20% of the total money for your assistance and the balance shall be my investment in any profitable venture which you will recommend to me as have no any idea about foreign investment. Please all communications should be through this email address only for confidential purposes.
Thanking you alot in anticipation of your quick response. I will send you my photos in my next email.
Amani Ibrahim Bare
Wow, I can't believe this chick chose me. There has to be some special reason why and I can only find out if I email her back. And she's probably hot too. She has to be, right? I mean there's no way she'd be ugly; if she is, she better put out on top of my making a shit load of money. Man, I'm so lucky. I'm gonna be so rich dude...hell yeah!